Totally Disappointing

It was a great few days before the race.  Lots of family love.  So many nice messages from friends and family.  A great lake house.  Stormy weather, but the weather was calm and perfect race day morning.  I'd been out the day before with my coach and was chompin at the bit.  I felt calm and confident.  I can write more later about the experience of being here and all the hub bub.

I want to write now a little about not finishing.

 The water was 53 degrees and calm.  The gun went off and I let the mass go and then got in and started swimming.  The cold took my breath and for whatever reason I couldn't get my breathing together for the first 1.2 miles.  Half way through my first 1.2 mile lap I got a wicked leg cramp. 

Whatever the reasons, I couldn't get my shit together. 

 I've swam the distance in the pool twice during training, I felt calm in the open water at my second Blue Lake Triathlon race a few weeks back, but today it wasn't working out.  I got through my first lap finally at 1:20, they started cutting people from the race behind me.  I stumbled back into the water and swam.  My breathing was still all over the place and I couldn't feel my hands or feet.  1/4 way through my second and final lap a paddle boarder told me I'd be cut from the race at the far buoy.  I got to the far buoy, 1.8 miles in and no body cut me.  I got to 2 miles at the 2:20 cut off time.  They asked me if I wanted to get on a boat as I was cut from the race.  I knew I'd need something to be proud of so I kept swimming and finished the 2.4 miles 19 minutes past the cut off. 
 Who knows why I couldn't pull it off.  Cold? Nerves? Whatever.  I got to shore, last one out of the water.  I was devastated.  My family was there and lots of people were clapping.  I wanted to be alone.  I was so cold.  2:40 in the water swimming.  I got whisked into the warming tent which was filled with other bummed out women.  Some missed the cut by seconds. 
 I know it's just a silly sports event.  I know I am one of the luckiest people for so many reasons.  It's just sad to let myself down so badly.  I wanted to be on my bike so badly.
 I got home and slept, and woke up to family.

I decided I don't want to leave it like this.  I know I am strong enough to complete this race, I have a full year of training under my belt and am in awesome shape.  I don't want to go the rest of my life knowing how close I was to this goal. 

 I decided I would sign up for another Ironman in the next few months and train my ass off and do it.
The only spot was a $1,112 community foundation spot in Ironman Canada August 28.  I'm in.  My grandma has a house there and I can drive which justifies the cost. 

 So here's to 8 more weeks of hard ass training and a hopeful happy ending to this adventure.